Friday, September 9, 2011

Ketchup and Me...a true love story

oh ketchup....the love i feel for you burns with the intensity of a thousand suns
the way you add pleasure to my food
the way you look at me when i'm about to devour you
the way you enrich my life with utter love and joy
being near you just takes my breath away
your deep red color matches the blood thirst i have for you
i love the way you look at me with great intensity
you never hold back your goodness to me...
i feel your love every time i'm with you
no one can separate us, for they know
and i know
that we were meant
to be <3

that my friends is my love for ketchup....yes some of you may think that i'm probably crazy and are about to stop reading my blog forever...but please know that i am in a healthy mental stage :)
i don't really know when this love story between ketchup and me began.
i don't always remember being this obsessed about it, or maybe i just never took notice how much i loved it until my friends critiqued my over usage of ketchup in my meals. well now that i think about it, i do remember when i was about 6 years old and after ....oh yes! i do remember now when my love for ketchup occurred!
The beginning!
i was 5 or 6 years old. my mother made hot dogs for dinner and sadly enough....when i got to the end of my hot dog, all that was left was the end of a bun and some ketchup. i don't like to waste food, so i ate the bun and ketchup by itself, and i realized (chorus music hear) that i actually liked the taste of that....i liked it so much that i was tempted to just eat a bun and add ketchup to it. but i knew that my family would not like the sight of that on our dinner table, so when everyone was back doing their business in the house, i snuck back to the kitchen and smeared a piece of bread with was odd and not like the first time i had it...which made me realize that it needed the taste of other food to make it work. so, from there on, i started adding more ketchup to all my food to make it taste just the way i like it :)
My problem?
i don't really think it's a problem at all actually. my mom and sisters grew accustomed to my over usage of ketchup that i never really noticed anymore how much i used....but what i did notice is that when there wasn't any ketchup at home, i wasn't  satisfied with dinner. i needed ketchup. then i realized that not only was i using too much ketchup on my food, but i used too much hot sauce on my chips, too much syrup on my pancakes, too much butter on the popcorn....i was using too much condiments on my was as if the main entree and the condiments switched jobs in my diet. but i'm still a healthy person, so i see no big issue with this at all.
but i guess the big issue is showing my friends this. one day, while eating lunch with my friends, i had a chicken sandwich and of course i needed ketchup......while i was talking with my friends and opening the ketchup packets, i noticed that they were all staring at my plate.....i looked down and saw nothing wrong, and asked ,"what's wrong?" they pointed out that i was using too many ketchup was just about 14 ketchup packets....i saw nothing wrong with it.....their responses:
"would you like some fries with that?"
"you know how much sodium you taking?"
"that's like A LOT of ketchup."
"uhm....(insert judging face here)" be honest, i don't really give a fuck what people say of me, or their judgements, but for some reason, those comments hurt me a little....because what they don't realize is that my intake of ketchup was part of my lifestyle now, and being judged for that hurts a bit.
yet, i overcame that obstacle and from there on, if anyone said anything negative about my ketchup intake, i would defend myself. and of course, my friends...being friends got used to the fact that i wasn't going to change anything about it.
here in college, however, i was afraid that i was going to be judged again for that (i bring a bottle of ketchup with me)....yes, it does turn some people's heads when they see how much ketchup i use or when i pull out my own bottle of ketchup from my bag, but i realized in college that i'm not alone. i saw one guy use a whole bowl for ketchup, and that small moment made me realize that i shouldn't care if people get used to it. i'm just going to eat the food the way i want to.
so in a way, ketchup not only makes my food taste so much better, but it gave me the motivation to keep on living the way i want to. i don't have to change anything about myself to meet the standards of people. besides, just because using ketchup has become a part of my lifestyle, it doesn't really identify me as a person at all. i'm still me.
and i guess that's why it's a true love story between me and ketchup. we help each other in a weird way i guess. i buy ketchup and help the big business up and running, and ketchup has helped me not be afraid to do what i do. ketchup just reminds me that i define myself, and no one else can do that. there is something in everyone that makes us unique and/weird, but we can't hide it.
and i hope that one person who understands this blog will understand that maybe we all just need a lot of ketchup in life.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

pride and prejudice

after my first day of college, i have decided to watch pride and prejudice just because i felt like it :)
this movie is full of love and
in my view, love is full of complication, betrayal, second chances, stupidity, fragileness, blindness and joy. well..there is more to say about love, but it is just too complicated for me to explain it.
i have no big experience in love. i mean i can say that i've been in love before but, it just ended badly, so i wonder if it was even love.
this is such a hard topic to explain, but i feel like i must try and see what i come up with.
however, Jane Austen seems to have a good grasp on what love is. she makes love seems "cute"
she makes it so romantic and foolish that it makes some people excited about falling in love.
Mr. Darcy for example, becomes extremely foolish and even with his pride, acts like those poor losers he stands on. or mr. bingley, who has the corny love feelings, by staring at jane all the time. saying the wrong things and turns red and acts extremely nervous in front of his love. i mean, some readers might think that's the basis of true love and gives the story the happy ending, but in reality, it isn't. the thing about pride and prejudice that austen seems to make wonderful and romantic is where the characters give their loved ones the second chance.
mr. darcy/elizabeth and mr. bingley/jane realize that they made huge mistakes and realize that their loved ones made the same mistakes too, and apart from all that drama, give their soul mates a second chance. i know i'm not explaining this very well, but it just takes some deep understanding to get it. better understand austen's grasp on love, persuasion could be a better book to read.
i know i'm too optimistic and hope that my mr.bingley or mr. darcy is out there or maybe i already have him...maybe i'm just filling my head with nonsense...
second chances...funny phrase....maybe that's what love is. even after all these stuff that one person does to you, even after all the pain you went through, you still find it in your heart to forgive and love that one person forever. and like in persuasion, it took forever for a second chance, but it happened...and even though it took a long time for them to find each other, the ending was happy.
and maybe jane austen and all her books just give everyone hope that we can have a love story, we just have to write it on our own.

Monday, August 22, 2011

mother knows best..dangit...

came back from college camp and had a pretty good time :)
but now that i'm back from all that stuff, i just recently got off the phone with my mother, and let's just say it wasn't the best conversation i've had with her. sure i get mad with my mother, but at the end, i've realized that she is right about EVERYTHING...and i mean
E V E R Y T H I N G !!!!!!!!
and only now i do realize that she will always be right because she is my mother. it is a power that all mothers gain, once they finish giving birth. it's something scientists or historians will never be able to explain. the fact is just stated that your mother is always right.
...since i can't explain why mothers are always right, especially mine. i guess i can just give examples of how my mother is right about everything!
my mother always tells me how i can't share that much with friends. like my secrets and how i can't get too close to them. i would tell one of my best friends everything, and my mother didn't enjoy that because she told me that it would just end up biting me in the butt. and secondly, my mother did not really like my best friend at that time. there was just something about her that made my mom uneasy about her. and what happens at the end? that "best friend" of 9 yrs uses all my secrets against me with my ex-boyfriend...and they end up dating...soooo my mom was sort of right about her. and when i mean "sort of" i mean "TOTALLY" right. i mean, even though it took 9 years for me to realize what a mean person she's weird how my mom was right.
i love to wear whatever i's a way i like to express myself. and when i go shopping, i like to choose my clothes, but when my mother comes along, it really becomes complicated. she chooses some clothes for me to wear and i don't agree at times, but because i don't want to sound mean, i end up buying it. or sometimes i buy something without my mother, but when she sees it, she disapproves of it. the part where she's right? i wear the clothes she chose, and i find out that it is the cutest thing and all my friends are jealous and compliment me :) times when i wear the clothes that my mother hated, i find out that i made a big mistake because it ends up looking ugly on me...when that happens, i say "my mom was sooo right. i feel stupid"
even one time, i was going to wear a skirt with a very nice shirt, but my mom tells me to wear capris instead because i'll feel awkward with a skirt at school. i get upset and wear the capris, BUT i take the skirt with me anyways and plan to change when i get to school because i wanted to feel cute. so i go to school and head to the bathroom as planned, but when i changed, i felt sooooo uncomfortable. the outcome: i changed back to the capris and felt comfy and nice. it was one of those moments when i feel stupid for doubting my mother.
ehh....what can i say? i was dating a mother didn't feel right about the end, i didn't feel right about it and it mom was right....same old same old...
i eat like alot of food and my mother tells me not to eat that much...i, of course, do not listen and eat like a pig. i end up gaining weight and my mother tells me that she tried to warn me not to eat...and she was right. so now i have to be careful to eat right in front of her. because she is always right
i love my mother dearly...she is the best mom in the world who is always there for me when i need her. she'll never do anything to hurt me and loves me even when i do stupid stuff and disobey her. she has given up so much for me and my sisters. without her i would of been lost

now that i'm at college, it's kind of hard not to have her around me. she's not keeping me in shape or telling me when to sleep, or to do homework, or what clothes look good on me. so now that i'm on my own, i try to make my conscience sound like her. it's gonna take some time, and i know it won't ever be the same like having my mom here with me, but i hope it at least helps me from killing myself here.
i mean...there are some things that i wish my mother wasn't right about, but i know at the end that she is right and that won't ever change and that everything she does is because she loves me...maybe when i'm a mother (if i ever plan on it) i'll be like her and be right. and at the end i will understand how much low communication really hurts her. it sucks to admit that your mom is right, but it's nice to know i have my angel caring about me

Friday, August 19, 2011

Something New

yeah i haven't really written anything in my blog since i've created it. i mean i have logged on sometimes to see if anyone has seen it. so a shot out to the person from germany who read my blog. what can i say about my summer? it was pretty exciting...all i seem to remember is working and working...sure i had some fun days like going to six flags, hanging out with my friends but i feel like i could of had a better summer.
oh well..the summer is in the past now...i have a new beginning : COLLEGE!
so i'm starting a new chapter in my life.
new friends
new lifestyle
new bed
and new enemies
except this time, i'm going to be totally different. my mother would always seem to tell me this summer how i can't mess it up here. and even though i was getting annoyed by her constant naggging about being responsible, it didn't hit me until she left me alone in my dorm that she was right.
i have to be responsible
i'm going to college to succeed and not mess around.
i'm actually paying money to i might as well not waste it
i am an adult now...grrr...

another thing i want to change about myself is being more social! i used to be sooooo quiet when i was at school back at home. it would take me a while to finally make some friends.
so since i'm here at college, i have to have connections, which means, i have to make friends...and so far, it's pretty easy :) my room mate and i actually get along, i made another friend who seems pretty cool and smart
i chatted with a guy at my orientation
and even say what's up to some people i see along the hallway. so far, i'm really enjoying college...but what im doing in college will be posted later on a different post. :)

it is true that i do miss my home and some certain people...just because i'm starting something new, doesn't mean i have to leave them all behind, but my longing to be with those people and home can't just interfere with my new life...i have to start something new like balancing my whole life together and hope that it all turns out well :) im open to trying something new ;)

Monday, June 20, 2011

it's a start

this is my second week off from school and sadly, i really don't know what to do with myself. i have a job and i'm going off to college in a few months, but i always feel like something is missing. i should be enjoying myself this summer, but i'm not. but hopefully, with this blog, it will help me find a way to enjoy everything i do. besides, we do only live once and i hope this summer becomes an adventure