Wednesday, August 24, 2011

pride and prejudice

after my first day of college, i have decided to watch pride and prejudice just because i felt like it :)
this movie is full of love and
in my view, love is full of complication, betrayal, second chances, stupidity, fragileness, blindness and joy. well..there is more to say about love, but it is just too complicated for me to explain it.
i have no big experience in love. i mean i can say that i've been in love before but, it just ended badly, so i wonder if it was even love.
this is such a hard topic to explain, but i feel like i must try and see what i come up with.
however, Jane Austen seems to have a good grasp on what love is. she makes love seems "cute"
she makes it so romantic and foolish that it makes some people excited about falling in love.
Mr. Darcy for example, becomes extremely foolish and even with his pride, acts like those poor losers he stands on. or mr. bingley, who has the corny love feelings, by staring at jane all the time. saying the wrong things and turns red and acts extremely nervous in front of his love. i mean, some readers might think that's the basis of true love and gives the story the happy ending, but in reality, it isn't. the thing about pride and prejudice that austen seems to make wonderful and romantic is where the characters give their loved ones the second chance.
mr. darcy/elizabeth and mr. bingley/jane realize that they made huge mistakes and realize that their loved ones made the same mistakes too, and apart from all that drama, give their soul mates a second chance. i know i'm not explaining this very well, but it just takes some deep understanding to get it. better understand austen's grasp on love, persuasion could be a better book to read.
i know i'm too optimistic and hope that my mr.bingley or mr. darcy is out there or maybe i already have him...maybe i'm just filling my head with nonsense...
second chances...funny phrase....maybe that's what love is. even after all these stuff that one person does to you, even after all the pain you went through, you still find it in your heart to forgive and love that one person forever. and like in persuasion, it took forever for a second chance, but it happened...and even though it took a long time for them to find each other, the ending was happy.
and maybe jane austen and all her books just give everyone hope that we can have a love story, we just have to write it on our own.

Monday, August 22, 2011

mother knows best..dangit...

came back from college camp and had a pretty good time :)
but now that i'm back from all that stuff, i just recently got off the phone with my mother, and let's just say it wasn't the best conversation i've had with her. sure i get mad with my mother, but at the end, i've realized that she is right about EVERYTHING...and i mean
E V E R Y T H I N G !!!!!!!!
and only now i do realize that she will always be right because she is my mother. it is a power that all mothers gain, once they finish giving birth. it's something scientists or historians will never be able to explain. the fact is just stated that your mother is always right.
...since i can't explain why mothers are always right, especially mine. i guess i can just give examples of how my mother is right about everything!
my mother always tells me how i can't share that much with friends. like my secrets and how i can't get too close to them. i would tell one of my best friends everything, and my mother didn't enjoy that because she told me that it would just end up biting me in the butt. and secondly, my mother did not really like my best friend at that time. there was just something about her that made my mom uneasy about her. and what happens at the end? that "best friend" of 9 yrs uses all my secrets against me with my ex-boyfriend...and they end up dating...soooo my mom was sort of right about her. and when i mean "sort of" i mean "TOTALLY" right. i mean, even though it took 9 years for me to realize what a mean person she's weird how my mom was right.
i love to wear whatever i's a way i like to express myself. and when i go shopping, i like to choose my clothes, but when my mother comes along, it really becomes complicated. she chooses some clothes for me to wear and i don't agree at times, but because i don't want to sound mean, i end up buying it. or sometimes i buy something without my mother, but when she sees it, she disapproves of it. the part where she's right? i wear the clothes she chose, and i find out that it is the cutest thing and all my friends are jealous and compliment me :) times when i wear the clothes that my mother hated, i find out that i made a big mistake because it ends up looking ugly on me...when that happens, i say "my mom was sooo right. i feel stupid"
even one time, i was going to wear a skirt with a very nice shirt, but my mom tells me to wear capris instead because i'll feel awkward with a skirt at school. i get upset and wear the capris, BUT i take the skirt with me anyways and plan to change when i get to school because i wanted to feel cute. so i go to school and head to the bathroom as planned, but when i changed, i felt sooooo uncomfortable. the outcome: i changed back to the capris and felt comfy and nice. it was one of those moments when i feel stupid for doubting my mother.
ehh....what can i say? i was dating a mother didn't feel right about the end, i didn't feel right about it and it mom was right....same old same old...
i eat like alot of food and my mother tells me not to eat that much...i, of course, do not listen and eat like a pig. i end up gaining weight and my mother tells me that she tried to warn me not to eat...and she was right. so now i have to be careful to eat right in front of her. because she is always right
i love my mother dearly...she is the best mom in the world who is always there for me when i need her. she'll never do anything to hurt me and loves me even when i do stupid stuff and disobey her. she has given up so much for me and my sisters. without her i would of been lost

now that i'm at college, it's kind of hard not to have her around me. she's not keeping me in shape or telling me when to sleep, or to do homework, or what clothes look good on me. so now that i'm on my own, i try to make my conscience sound like her. it's gonna take some time, and i know it won't ever be the same like having my mom here with me, but i hope it at least helps me from killing myself here.
i mean...there are some things that i wish my mother wasn't right about, but i know at the end that she is right and that won't ever change and that everything she does is because she loves me...maybe when i'm a mother (if i ever plan on it) i'll be like her and be right. and at the end i will understand how much low communication really hurts her. it sucks to admit that your mom is right, but it's nice to know i have my angel caring about me

Friday, August 19, 2011

Something New

yeah i haven't really written anything in my blog since i've created it. i mean i have logged on sometimes to see if anyone has seen it. so a shot out to the person from germany who read my blog. what can i say about my summer? it was pretty exciting...all i seem to remember is working and working...sure i had some fun days like going to six flags, hanging out with my friends but i feel like i could of had a better summer.
oh well..the summer is in the past now...i have a new beginning : COLLEGE!
so i'm starting a new chapter in my life.
new friends
new lifestyle
new bed
and new enemies
except this time, i'm going to be totally different. my mother would always seem to tell me this summer how i can't mess it up here. and even though i was getting annoyed by her constant naggging about being responsible, it didn't hit me until she left me alone in my dorm that she was right.
i have to be responsible
i'm going to college to succeed and not mess around.
i'm actually paying money to i might as well not waste it
i am an adult now...grrr...

another thing i want to change about myself is being more social! i used to be sooooo quiet when i was at school back at home. it would take me a while to finally make some friends.
so since i'm here at college, i have to have connections, which means, i have to make friends...and so far, it's pretty easy :) my room mate and i actually get along, i made another friend who seems pretty cool and smart
i chatted with a guy at my orientation
and even say what's up to some people i see along the hallway. so far, i'm really enjoying college...but what im doing in college will be posted later on a different post. :)

it is true that i do miss my home and some certain people...just because i'm starting something new, doesn't mean i have to leave them all behind, but my longing to be with those people and home can't just interfere with my new life...i have to start something new like balancing my whole life together and hope that it all turns out well :) im open to trying something new ;)